And so it is….

2014 is here. My God do I hope that it will be a better year than say, the last three???

I have a few wishes and hopes for the year, most of them are reasonable requests. Nothing too over the top or demanding.

I hope for my husband to have the chance to shine. For someone to recognise his hard work, his ability to learn and his strong work ethic. To just give him a chance and therefore us a chance to live a normal life.

I hope that my kids will get the chance to see their parents free of the stress that we have been enduring, for even just a day. For them to see that happy, confident man that I fell in love with and the happy, loving woman that I once was.

I constantly live in the hope that one day we will be able to provide a nice home, good education and safe environment for our kids. They are the best kids in the world. So smart, beautiful, kind and funny. It’s the least they deserve.

I started my blog as I way to get my feelings out there. I don’t have a great deal of very close friends here and most of them aren’t English speakers so I saw my blog as a friend who was there when I needed a chat. Unfortunately I am being censored now so it is not serving it’s purpose anymore. I may start a new one under a different name or I may not, I haven’t decided yet. What I have decided is that this will be the last personal post under this name.

I thank the handful of people who followed me and took the time to read my posts and comment. A heartfelt thanks and I wish you all the best for 2014.

May it be better for us all.

Over and out,

E x



To Grandma….

  • I woke up on the Wednesday after an awful dream where I was at a funeral, weeping, while saying a few words about the deceased. I felt like something bad was going to happen. As strange as it sounds I often have these feelings before I get bad news or something bad happens. When my ex had his terrible car crash I had a dream about it the night before. I never told him about it but I remember it vividly.
  • So then I saw 3 missed calls from my sister. Those of you who know me know that my sister and I do not speak and a missed call from her could only mean bad news. My first thought did not go to my Grandma actually. I knew that she was not in the best of health but I didn’t know how bad she was. My family and I rarely speak so I am often not kept in the loop about things going on in Australia. My Mother and Father were on a 6 week vacation so I knew that Dad wouldn’t go away for such a long time if he was worried about his Mum.
  • I guess that I was very wrong. The call was about my Grandma and it wasn’t good.
    Grandma was dying and I was told that if I wanted to speak to her that I had to do it now. All kind of thoughts were flying through my head. For months I had been telling my husband how much I wanted to see her and show her the girls. He in turn apologized for the fact that we have been in such financial distress for the last 5 years and that had led to me being unable to visit her.
  • I was a mess, I was in turmoil. I was desperate to talk to her, to try to SKYPE her just so that she could see my face and the faces of my girls but everything that I wanted to do was deemed unreasonable by a family member. The family members that had the luxury of being able to see her that one last time. I am thankful for Tanya and Ian who listened to my plea and even if they found it unreasonable tried to grant it for me. Regret is a horrible emotion and one that never leaves you. I have regret and  I have guilt. Regret that I didn’t push harder to see her the last time that I was home. Guilt that I wasn’t there for her final hours.
  • I talked to her on the Friday. Her Doctor thankfully encouraged me to do so. She said my name before she even knew it was me. I told her I loved her and that I was sorry that I wasn’t there with her. She said “never mind”, so Grandma. Apparently she didn’t say much after that so I am thankful that she mustered up enough energy to talk to me. I hope she knew how much I loved her.
  • She lost her husband when Dad was 2. She did it alone and did it well. She was a role model, an inspiration and a great Grandma. She will be missed and will remain in our hearts always.
  • It’s hard to lose someone when you are so far away from home. People don’t really get it unless they have been through it. The feeling of helplessness is all-consuming.
  • In the end I guess we can only do what we can and hope that our loved ones know how much we cared for them.
  • My hope is that 2014 is a better year for everyone, including myself and my family.
  • Grandma may you rest in peace in the arms of your beloved Hector….
  • E x
  • E3

I know, I know….

It has been yonks. It hasn’t been deliberate but I truly haven’t had much to write about recently other than depressing news that no one wants to read.

Life is busy. I am actively looking for new students and or jobs that understand that I have two kids that get sick and nobody to help me look after them. I have been somewhat successful but still need a few more privates to help pay the bills. Speaking of bills, Miss Lila has started Kindy which added an extra chunk of cash needed at the end of the month. She is really doing well though and I am so proud of her! We have had only one slight meltdown so far and she usually cheerfully gets on the bus in her little purple hat and blows me kisses. I really do miss her terribly but Amelie and I have been bonding and hanging out together so that eases the pain a little…

Sports day is coming up soon and we had a meeting of sorts yesterday about it. All the other mums sat there listening intently while I tried to control Amelie who was pulling out everyone’s coloured pencils and telling the room that she was doing a poo. So proud.

It’s a big hoo-ha and most of the parent’s go the day before to secure their places to watch the event. I have an event at my husband’s work on that day so am now really perplexed as to what to do. Both are important but I can’t do both. So it’s look like a bad wife or a bad mother… What to do? Times like these I wish that I had more family around to help me.

We enjoyed summer this year even though it was terribly hot and muggy, but I am glad that it’s over. Looking forward to a chill in the air and being able to wear clothes that hide my flabby tummy that seems to be getting flabbier by the minute.

I have started a diet to try to lose 10 kilos before the series of cancer checks I have coming up in November. Nothing stresses me out more that the doctors here telling me to lose weight and that weight is the problem for anything that ails me. I can do it but it’s going to suck.

Wish me luck!

Here a few pics of the girls to make you smile!



Birthday girlies!

Long time no write!
Totally my fault and no real reason other than I am down and not so positive at the moment 😦

Summer is well and truly here and it is as hot as hell! Japanese humidity does my head in and so I have the AC on from the time I get up to the time I go to bed, not great for the already empty wallet!
Amelie had a wonderful first birthday and even though a few of our close friends and family from Australia were not there, it was a lovely day. Even Amelie’s doctor came to see her! The theme was Ladybugs and most of the stuff was ordered online from the UK. It arrived JUST in time even though I had ordered it 3 months before the party. Looks like customs held it up, bastards. I made chocolate crackles and the ladybug cake for the party, the rest I ordered shhhhh.

Next we have Lila turning 4 on the 24th of this month. Time flies and I am both happy and sad that she will be starting Kindy this September. She is so ready and eager but i will really miss her. She’s my BFF and I love her to death! I guess all mums have this issue when our little ones grow up…..  The preparation for Kindy is mental. All the labelling and the buying of goods but I have done it all, I think, and we are ready for September. Don’t really know how we are going to afford it but I hope to find a way. I am looking for some kind of work that I can do from home but haven’t found anything as yet. Wish us luck, we will need it!

In other news I really want to get back into Japnese study. My Japanese speaking ability is pretty good and I have level 3 of the proficiency test but as I don’t use kanji everyday I have forgotten most of it and can’t even write my daughter’s names! Terrible! I really don’t understand people that are here for a long time and don’t study or make an effort at all to improve their language ability. I feel that if you want to live and work here you should at  least be able to communicate in the language of the country! As soon as I have enough money to I have decided to start online lessons. It will be awhile before I can but that’s my plan!

I will leave you with a few pics of the girls in all their cuteness!

E x

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I get knocked down….

Things were going well here in my little house. We were on track to good things and making progress and then suddenly……… life threw us a curveball.

So here we are, where we have been far too many times before.

One day I will share, but not today. I do ask everyone that reads this to please send us some good energy, some positivity and strength because we are really going to need it.

E x


Hey folks!

Nothing much to report here but thought I should try and maintain my blogging mojo!

Spring was here but has gone again. The news was showing pictures of people fighting wind and rain with flimsy 100 yen umbrellas. Never fails to crack me up! Women trying to maintain their perfect do while fighting off a typhoon. Automatic FAIL!

I randomly won a facebook contest for a bra set from, so I thought I should give them a plug! They have bras for us bigger busted women and they are all heavily discounted so check them out! The staff are also really helpful and they deliver worldwide, which is great for me. Thanks guys! Reminds me of a time that I went into a bra shop in town just to have a look around and the shop staff ran over to me and crossed both arms into an x and shock her head at me. I guess that she was meaning that she didn’t have my size but I have never been more embarrassed in my life! Well maybe once or twice but it was up there….

I am starting back at my nursery job from May. I had a year off and now it’s time to get back to it. This means that I will be working four days a week but only for a few hours a day. With getting the kids up, fed, ready and so on I sometimes wonder if it is worth all the effort for the 30 bucks that I get. I love the kids but I find that I can never find a full days teaching,  more like an hour here and there. Anyway I can take my little one with me and my eldest can go to kindy and practice writing her name and flags of the world. She seems to love doing that. She also seems to love her new hobby of taking online English classes. I found a site that operates from the Philippines and does online lessons for kids from 3 years old. If you don’t mind a bit of difficulty with accents or a few grammar issues then it seems like a lot of fun! It is really cheap and has really sparked Lila’s interest in English and for this I am grateful…

Also I have been having a lot of difficulty living off our food/entertainment budget every month. We have 60,000 yen for the month to cover food, entertainment and incidentals. It works out at like 20 bucks a day and I just can’t do it!!  What do you guys spend on food a day/week and do you have any advice?

That’s all from me loves,

E x

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